Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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