I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
