So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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