I could have mohawked her pubes.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
