Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
handjob tips. give me some.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
