im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
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So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
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ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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