I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
