people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
