i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Randomize
