It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
