First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
