His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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