I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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