How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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