No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
