Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
