i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
