i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
