Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Randomize
