In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
