i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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