We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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