remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
mondays should just be called national damage control day
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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