You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
