First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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