Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
