I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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