I smell stomach acid.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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