If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Randomize
