Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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