I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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