Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
