I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
