mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
