I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
