If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
