You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
