Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
so much tequila, so little girl.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
