why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
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There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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