I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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