I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
