I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
