I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
