So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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