I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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