She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
