fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
