For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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