Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
