Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
