I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.