woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.