woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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