Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
