She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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