I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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