how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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