I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
where are my eyebrows?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
