It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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