Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
