so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
