She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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