There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
