gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Couch. On fire.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
