If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Say something about gay babies.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
