just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
