I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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