He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
