omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
