I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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