I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
