There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
