dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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