i wish my penis had a tongue
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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