Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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